


put some sugar on me

by wangja (ohbirds)



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Emoji abuse, M/M, Multi, My head hurts, Sugar Baby Jinyoung, but i spent my whole day on this so you will read it, but the main one is still JJP do not fret, especially the peach emoji, i don't even know where to start, i tried to make it funny but i think i failed horribly, sugar daddy jaebum, there are hints of other ships, this is almost 4k words of utter nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 13:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16476149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohbirds/pseuds/wangja
Summary: in which jinyoung has yaoi hands and there are nudes and this entire summary is clickbait because the actual fic is not as good as the summary makes it sound





	put some sugar on me

**Author's Note:**

> alternatively; the one in which jinyoung accidentally lands himself a sugar daddy and it goes as well as you'd expect
> 
> this was not supposed to be a crack fic. or a chat fic. but somehow it is both.
> 
> i have never written a chat fic before so if there's any mistakes please forgive me
> 
> this is 80% chatting and unbeta'd so be warned

-

Jinyoung’s morning starts off with some bad news.

“Hyung,” whines Bambam, barging into his room with all the grace of an elephant, “the water heater’s not working.”

“So why are you telling me?” Jinyoung got in late from work last night and he’s determined to get at least ten hours of sleep before going to class. It’s not easy when he’s a light sleeper and he lives with Bambam and Yugyeom. He burrows his face deeper into his pillows, continuing to ignore Bambam in his quest for more sleep.

“Because I didn’t leave you any.”

Jinyoung’s eyes snap open. “What.”

“Oh would you look at the time, I’m late for class bye hyung love you!” 

The volume of Jinyoung’s enraged yell sends the birds outside his window flying.

-

Jinyoung doesn’t mind his job at the convenience store but he hates everything right now. He had to shave and shower using ice cold water and now he was standing in the counter bundled in layers of clothing yet he still felt like a block of ice.

His manager has a policy about employees not using their phones during work hours. But the crotchety old man is absent today on account of a nasty cold so it’s just Jinyoung in the shop.

With cold and numb fingers, he types out a message into the group chat.

_**Two Pests, A Married Couple and My Sunshine** _

**i’m NOT your mom: if anyone sees bambam today, kill him**

**_i’m not your mom has changed the group name to he who must be maimed_ **

**brownie: ????**

**wangkong: what did he do now**

**i’m NOT your mom: our water heater broke down and he finished all the hot water**

**brownie: nooooooooo**

**coco’s mom: it broke down again???**

**wangkong: didnt you just get it fixed**

**i’m NOT your mom: i did**

**coco’s mom: did you tell the building guy???**

**i’m NOT your mom: he’s a fucking cheapskate**

**wangkong: i dont like the way he looks at you**

**brownie: hes a perv**

**_tuanboo: [has joined the chat]_ **

**tuanboo: whose turn is it to go now**

**brownie: i went last time im not doing it again idc idc**

**brownie: youngjae hyung can i come to ur place after work to shower**

**coco’s mom: of course <3**

**i’m NOT your mom: bambam finished all the hot water so he’s going to be the sacrificial lamb**

**wangkong: ur gonna throw our princess in the perverts den**

**i’m NOT your mom: it’s what she deserves**

**i’m NOT your mom: youngjae can i come too**

**coco’s mom: of course hyung ill make u coffee too**

**i’m NOT your mom: this is why you’re my favorite**

**wangkong: wat r v chopped liver???**

**double b: dis is y i say we should get a sugar daddy**

**double b: by we i mean jinyoung hyung**

**i'm NOT your mom: i will throttle you**

**double b: wat duz throttle mean**

**tuanboo: hes going to choke you**

**double b: hyung do that w ur sugar daddy not me**

 

The bell rings, signaling the arrival of a customer and Jinyoung pockets his phone, making a mental note to kill Bambam slowly and painfully, freezing when he notices it’s pregnant Mrs. Kim from down the street, with her twins (hellions, more like) in tow, for her monthly grocery shopping.

Jinyoung does not mind children, he loves them actually, but Mrs. Kim’s have descended from hell and their only mission in life is to make Jinyoung’s life hell by making a racket and messing up the shelf displays. Mrs. Kim is heavily pregnant to the point Jinyoung fears she might go into labor in the store.

Jinyoung greets her politely and Mrs Kim smiles at him. “Say hello to ahjussi.”

Jinyoung’s finger twitches at the honorific but he smiles at the boys, who give him smiles with missing teeth. A chill runs down Jinyoung’s spine and it’s not from the cold.

-

It takes nearly three hours for shopping to get done, with Jinyoung having to rush over to help every time Mrs. Kim dropped something. The children’s multiple attempts to throw a tantrum whenever their requests for snacks got denied were thwarted by the numerous glares their mother gave them. 

By the time he finished fixing the shelves and the displays, Jinyoung is more than ready to go home and it isn’t even noon yet.

He feels stiff and tired and his hands are still cold but more importantly he’s bored. He fixes himself a cup of cheap instant coffee, taking leisurely sips of it as he takes out his phone to check his messages and sees that Jackson and Youngjae are spamming each other with memes in the chat

He opens a message from Yugyeom, who’s messaged him in private.

 

**brownie has sent a photo**

**i'm NOT your mom: why are you sending me nudes at work**

**brownie: constructive criticism**

**i’m NOT your mom: awww my baby is using big words now**

**brownie: -_-**

**i’m NOT your mom: you're not even dating anyone**

**brownie: and what about it !**

**brownie: just shut up n tell me**

**i'm NOT your mom: you look like some kpop fansite whitewashed you**

**i'm NOT your mom: what's that weird pink blob**

**i'm NOT your mom: is that your dick?**

**i'm NOT your mom: i don't even have to call chief to tell you this isn't it**

\---

“Hi, uh, do you guys have almond milk?”

This guy is unbelievably hot and Jinyoung cannot believe Bambam chose today of all days to finish the hot water because Jinyoung is dressed like a grandmother in his cardigans and scarves and he feels downright ugly as he takes in his black leather jacket with grey muscle tee that showed the guy was in tip top shape.

 _'No, but there’s other types that you can get right from my -’_ Jinyoung hurriedly cuts that thought off, he’d been hanging out with Jackson too much. He clears his throat, setting his half empty mug aside. “Yes there’s some at the very back, down by the fridge next to the freezer.” He winces at how squeaky his voice sounds.

Hot Guy smiles, holy shit, eyes crinkling and saunters away. Jinyoung’s eyes follow him, and the way his ass looks in those leather pants should be a crime.

Jinyoung picks up his phone, keep one eye out for hot guy’s return.

 

**i'm NOT your mom: HOT GUY IN STORE, I REPEAT, HOT GUY IN STORE**

**wangkong: where**

**wangkong: take pics**

**double b: omg get his number wat if hez a sugar daddy**

 

He hears footsteps approach and sets his phone aside to ring him up. He tries not to obsess over the purchases which include: almond milk, a bar of chocolate, three condoms, a pack of cigarettes.

“Will that be all?” 

“Uh, do you guys have dry cat food?”

Great, he had a cat. He was hot, obviously going to fuck someone judging by the condoms he’d bought and he had a cat. This day kept getting worse. “We keep some at the back. Any particular brand?”

The guy tells him and Jinyoung spends several minutes searching for it while morosely reflecting on his sad life.

“Come again,” Jinyoung says and bites his tongue at how wrong that sounded.

“Oh I will.” Hot Guy smirks, causing Jinyoung to flush. "Over and over." 

The door swings shut and Jinyoung jumps for his phone only for it to not open.

“What the hell,” he muttered, pressing on his phone, frowning when it flashed incorrect password. When the fuck had he gotten a password and why was there a picture of a cat on it?

Realization dawns on him, along with a feeling of horror.

Their phones had gotten switched. 

Fuck. 

\----

**_He Who Must Be Maimed_ **

**disowned: has anyone heard from jinyoung hyung**

**wangkong: arent you be hiding from him**

**disowned: i am**

**disowned: no ones home yet**

**wangkong: wheres brownie**

**disowned: at youngjae hyungs**

**wangkong: awww poor bb**

**disowned: im home alone :(**

**disowned: hes not answering my texts and hes not home this is child neglect**

**disowned: going [plane emoji] child services**

\---

**sna(c)ke: guys**

**sna(c)ke: guys guys guys**

**sna(c)ke: YOU GUYS YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED**

**sna(c)ke: some really hot dude just came to the door**

**sna(c)ke: and he asked for jinyoung hyung**

**sna(c)ke: and he had hyungs phone idk???**

**sna(c)ke: this dude is so fkn hot wig flew**

**sna(c)ke: i told him hyung wasnt here and he looked so stressdt**

**sna(c)ke: so im taking him to yj’s place**

**wangaroo: wait what**

\---

[three hours later]

\---

**sna(c)ke: YALL**

**sna(c)ke: MOMMA HAS A DATE**

**wangaroo: tf goes on**

**wangaroo: with who**

**sna(c)ke: HOT GUY**

**wangaroo: wait are there two different hot guys or is this the same hot guy jinyoung was yelling about**

**wangaroo: this morning**

**sna(c)ke: YES**

**cocos mom: i cant believe u just brought him over like that**

**cocos mom: what if he had been some murderer**

**cocos mom: or a creep?**

**sna(c)ke: he seemed normal**

**cocos mom: he gave yugyeom tips on nudes**

**cocos mom: they’ve never even met????**

**wangaroo: yugyeom could use some**

**markerella: his nudes are more like whites**

**sna(c)ke: ANYWAY**

**sna(c)ke: HE ASKED HYUNG OUT ON A DATE**

**wangaroo: fr???**

**cocos mom: he saw post shower post shave park jinyoung**

**wangaroo: never underestimate the power of a good shower**

**markerella: title of your sextape**

**wangaroo: you mean OUR sextape [wink face emoji] [tongue emoji]**

**sna(c)ke: EW**

**sna(c)ke: ok but remember that 1 time**

**sna(c)ke: jinyoung hyung took a shower**

**sna(c)ke: n he looked so good mark hyung kissed him**

**wangaroo: and then *i* kissed him too**

**sna(c)ke: n then u tried to have a 3some right then n there**

**i’m NOT your mom: and you yelled no homo loud enough for the whole building to hear yes we do because we were ALL there**

**i’m NOT your mom: btw i got my phone back from hot guy**

**i’m NOT your mom: his name is jaebum btw**

**i’m NOT your mom: and he might’ve seen some of your nudes**

**wangaroo: HE WHAT**

**i’m NOT your mom: he said it was an accident**

**wangaroo: sounds fake but ok**

**wangaroo: HOW COULD U LET A COMPLETE STRANGER RAKE HIS EYES OVER MY BARE FORM**

**wangaroo: I FEEL VIOLATED**

**i’m NOT your mom: don’t send me your nudes then**

**wangaroo: we wouldnt have to if you used snapchat**

**i’m NOT your mom: what’s the point of sending a picture if you aren’t going to save it**

**markerella: my place. NOW.**

-

After gathering at Mark’s place and explaining the whole situation from start to finish to everyone over pizza that Mark had so graciously ordered, Jinyoung took a long breath and laid down.

“So let me get this straight,” says Jackson, through a mouthful of pepperoni and cheese, “you switched phones with Hot Guy, and you didn’t even have a pass-code on it who the fuck doesn’t have a lock on their phones-”

“Jackson.”

“-but moving on. How did he track you down?”

"I have my address saved on my phone."

"Why the fuck-"

“Remember the infamous “Missing Peach” incident?” cuts in Bambam.

They all groaned.

The “Missing Peach” incident happened in their first year as a group when they’d all gone out to celebrate the end of semester and had gotten wasted while bar hopping. They’d ended up losing Jinyoung somewhere along the way and they hadn’t realized it until they’d gotten a phone call from the police. A couple had found Jinyoung, quite drunk and up in a tree in his black shirt and peach underwear, crying in the park because he couldn’t remember his address. The couple had called the police who’d called it in, saying, “Is someone missing a peach or two?”

They’d shown up, led by a sober Youngjae, who’d apologized over and over for his friend. After that, Youngjae had made them save all their addresses in their phones to avoid further similar incidents.

“They still ask about you,” speaks Yugyeom for the first time since he’d gotten here. He’d been hiding his red face in Youngjae’s lap, not meeting anyone’s eyes because a complete stranger had seen him naked. Jinyoung felt a little bad for him.

Only a little.

“Really?”

“They ask how ‘darling peach’ is doing whenever I go down to deliver an order. And if he’s been keeping his pants on.”

“Well, he better put his peach to good use because hot guy is a catch.”

“As I was saying before I was interrupted, his phone turned off and there was no way to charge it so I went to Youngjae’s house after work to shower and when I got out Bambam was there, with Jaebum behind him.”

“We don’t know what they talked about because Jinyoung hyung dragged him to the other room and made us wait out there. I thought they were going to fuck.”

Youngjae stares at Bambam. “They literally just met.”

Bambam gives him a look. “You _saw_ him, didn’t you?” 

“Okay fair point.”

“He saw Yugyeom too,” Bambam waggles his eyebrows at Yugyeom, who swears and throws a cushion at his face. Bambam catches it and throws it back at Yugyeom, who in turns jumps at him and a wrestling match between the two ensues, with the others watching and cheering them on.

Jinyoung sighs, tired and worn down from the events of today and looks over at Youngjae who’s deep in thought and mumbling to himself. Jinyoung catches the “familiar” and he’s about to ask what or who was familiar when a pillow comes flying at his face.

“Yo dude, if you want revenge, now’s a good time.” His annoyance at being hit with a pillow fades when he sees that Yugyeom and Jackson have Bambam, who looks like a sacrificial lamb, pinned to the floor.

Mark hands him a peacock feather with a devilish smile. Jinyoung looks from the feather to Bambam, whose eyes widen comically and all thoughts of Youngjae vanish from his mind as he approaches Bambam to tickle him to death.

\---

Few days later.

\---

**_He Who was Tickled to Death_ **

**bad n00dz: it’s the big day today**

**bad n00dz: who changed my name**

**wangdaddy: jinyoung gonna get that tonite**

**tickled to death: #MomFinallyGetsLaidParty omg who started this**

**wangdaddy: is he wearing the pants**

**bad n00dz: more like the pants are wearing him**

**tickled to death: he’s wearing The Pants**

**tickled to death: idk how mark yugyeom’s pants manage to contain jinyoung’s junk but it does wonders for his legs**

**bad n00dz: not everyone has twigs for legs**

**tickled to death: chopstick legs lives matter :(**

**wangdaddy: we stan thicc queens**

**thicc n00dz: oh hes here**

**cocos thicc mom: good luck hyung <3**

**cocos thicc mom: who changed my name D:**

-

**_imtheking has created group, “operation: jjproject”_ **

**_eagletuan joined_ **

**_comrade lil dick joined_ **

**_comrade dig bick joined_ **

**_cocos thicc mama joined_ **

**imtheking: is everyone in position**

**imtheking: status report**

**comrade lil dick: here**

**comrade dig bick here**

**cocos thicc mama: here too**

**comrade lil dick: why am i lil dick >(**

**eagletuan: i now dub thee minuscule peen**

**minuscule peen: who is jjproject???**

**minuscule peen: :(**

**imtheking: jjproject is jinyoung and jaebums ship name**

**eagletuan: oh we SHIPPIN shippin?**

**cocos thicc mama: they just went into the restaurant**

**cocos thicc mama: oh jinyoung hyung looks nice**

**minuscule peen: thanks to moi**

**eagletuan: you cannot talk unless ur dick can be seen by the naked eye**

**minuscule peen: :/**

**imtheking: guys focus**

**comrade dig bick: hes making hyung laugh**

**cocos thicc mama: i cant help but think he looks familiar**

**comrade dig bick: why**

**cocos thicc mama: i feel like i know him but idk how**

**comrade dig bick: hes handsome enough to be a model tho**

**imtheking: u think he sells nudes**

**eagletuan: remind me why we’re stalking jinyoung**

**imtheking: to make sure hot guy doesn’t kidnap him or try to sell him**

**comrade dig bick: .**

**minuscule peen: .**

**cocos thicc mama: oh fuck**

**imtheking: what**

**minuscule peen: uh youngjae hyung just ran off???**

**minuscule peen: just like that??**

**minuscule peen: yugyeom went too**

**imtheking: wtf**

**imtheking: goes on???**

**eagletuan: wanna fuck?**

**imtheking: [flushed face emoji]**

**eagletuan: [eyes emoji]**

**_minuscule peen has left the chat_**

\---

**_Peach Getting Cracked Open_ **

**missing peach: so**

**missing peach: hot guy im jaebum is an honest to god sugar daddy and i don’t know who changed the group name but if you don’t change it right now i will rip your balls off**

**sna(c)ke: wat**

**sna(c)ke: ???!?!?!?!?!?!**

**wangdaddy: omfjfkjgjkdg**

**wangdaddy: shut up**

**wangdaddy: is this a joke**

**sugar peach baby: no**

**wangdaddy: bitch**

**wangdaddy: BIIIIITCCCCHHHHHHH**

**wangdaddy: SPILL**

**markiepooh: he waited until the third date to tell you that?**

**sugar peach baby: he also asked me to be his sugar baby**

**wangdaddy:**

**sna(c)ke:**

**markiepooh: so did you say yes**

**sugar peach baby: NO**

**stomp the yard: tell him to buy us a new water heater**

**sugar peach baby: i will do no such thing**

**sna(c)ke: then we’ll tell him**

**sugar peach baby: you will do no such thing GET YOUR OWN SUGAR DADDY**

**sugar peach baby: guys???**

**sugar peach: oh my god did they actually go out to get one**

**wangdaddy: bro whats ur deal**

**wangdaddy: arent u always crying about how u havent gotten laid since vibrating tiddy hyung**

**markiepooh: he laid him out like the pavement**

**wangdaddy: what does that even mean**

**sugar peach baby: his name is hyunwoo**

**wangdaddy: but u should totally take him up on the offer**

**wangdaddy: 11/10 would recommend**

**sugar peach baby: we have a seven year difference**

**wangdaddy: thats not a lot**

**wangdaddy: my parents are eight years apart**

**boobietuans: no offense jacks but our parents are fossils**

**boobietuans: also who tf changed my name**

**sugar peach baby: guys are u serious**

**wangdaddy: also he's hot and obviously rich enough if he wants u as a sugar baby what even is your problem**

**sugar peach baby: fun fact he thought i was a ‘seasoned’ sugar baby because of all of your nudes in my phone :)**

**wangdaddy: YOU SHOWED HIM OUR NUDES AGAIN**

**boobietuans: everyone in this chat and half of seoul has seen you naked**

**wangdaddy: :[**

**boobietuans: and they’re very lucky to have seen you naked bc u belong to me**

**wangdaddy: [blushing emoji] [kissing emoji] [heart emoji] [tongue emoji]**

**cocos thicc mom: does he also own 2 studios and has a soundcloud page under the name defsoul?**

**sugar peach baby: ….yes**

**sugar peach baby: how and why do you know that**

**cocos thicc mom: AHA**

**cocos thicc mom: I KNEW IT**

**sugar peach baby: knew what???**

**sugar peach baby: what the fuck is going on who gave you this information**

**sna(c)ke: omg**

**sna(c)ke: he's defsoul... OMG DEFSOUL SHSHAHSHDGD**

**boobietuans:?????**

**wangdaddy: tf**

**wangdaddy: wtf is going on and wheres brownie**

**cocos thicc mom: having a meltdown because we fucked to his song**

**wangdaddy: WHAT**

**sna(c)ke: THE**

**boobietuans: i. Am lost**

**stomp the yard: IT WAS ONE TIME**

**sugar peach baby: ….**

**stomp the yard: hyung pls dont misunderstand**

**stomp the yard: i dont wanna fuck him but his voice yes ugh you're so lucky he likes you hyung**

**wangdaddy: what the fuck is going on in here on this day**

**sugar peach baby: when are you and youngjae a thing and why do i or the group not know about this**

**sugar peach baby: forget it i will deal with you two later**

**boobietuans: so a hot sugar daddy with a significant age difference who runs his own business, sings and is sweet on a broke college student after switching phones with him.... what au is this**

**sna(c)ke: wow ive never seen mark hyung type this many words since forever**

**wangdaddy: and they have hot kinky steamy sex and fall in love**

**sugar peach baby: i will throw myself or i will throw this phone**

**stomp the yard: throw yourself on him pls**

**sugar peach baby: i hate you all i want a divorce**

**cocos thicc mom: we'll take sugar dad**

**sna(c)ke: ooooooo shots fired**

**sugar peach baby: deception... disgrace....**

**wangdaddy: EVIL IS PLAIN AS THE MOLE ON HIS FACE**

**Wangdaddy: cuz youngjae doesnt have a scar**

**boobietuans: you know who else has scars**

**cocos thicc mom: jinyoung hyung from all the trauma we put him through**

**wangdaddy: and from the kinky borderline bdsm sex he and Dad will have**

**_[sugar peach baby has left the chat]_**

\----

**park kardashian: guys**

**park kardashian: theres been an emergency**

**park kardashian: which kardashian am i**

**disowned #2: whichever you want to be**

**park kardashian: also you and youngjae can’t avoid me forever we will have The Talk about how you have been fucking behind my back to the sound of my sugar daddy’s voice**

**park kardashian: i’m kim then**

**cocos (disowned) thicc mom: what is it hyung is everything ok**

**park kardashian: the condoms won't fit**

**cocos (disowned) thicc mom: what do u mean they dont fit**

**disowned #2: you didn't think he'd be packing heat bc of his hands?**

**park kardashian: [upside down smiley emoji]**

**wanggae: what**

**long dick style: his hands are small. Smaller than jinyoung hyung**

**wanggae: jinyoung is the standard?**

**long dick style: duh**

**long neck style: jinyoung has yaoi hands**

**cocos (disowned) thicc mom: uM**

**park kardashian: can we please focus on me and my currently aroused sugar daddy**

**long dick style: TMI [puke emoji]**

**disowned #2: hyung are u at our place or his**

**park kardashian: ours**

**disowned #2: theres a box in my closet**

**park kardashian: i got it**

**park kardashian: it says plus size**

**park kardashian: but you're not that big. Or bambam**

**long dick style: how do you know I'm not big ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

**disowned #2: gtg**

**cocos (disowned) thicc mom: bye hyung have fun love you**

**park kardashian: this isn't over**

\----

**park kardashian: guys**

**park kardashian: the deed has been done**

**long neck style: how was it**

**park kardashian: the best**

**long neck style: best of the best?**

**park kardashian: best i ever had**

**long neck style: foursome?**

**long neck style: foursome.**

**long dick style: [extended heterosexual silence]  
**   
\----

**_long neck style has added “im jaebum” to the group chat_ **

**_long neck style has changed the group name to “jinyoung has yaoi hands”_ **

**park kardashian: yugyeom you can come back now we fixed the water heater**

**park kardashian: just so you know the condoms were a perfect fit how wonderful is it that both our men are the same size**

**wanggae: I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT I COULD HAVE GONE MY ENTIRE LIFE WITHOUT KNOWING THAT YOUNGJAE AND JAEBUM ARE THE SAME SIZE**

**park kardashian: same girth too judging by how well the latex stretched and didn't tear**

**long dick style: the imagery… how do i unimagine**

**park kardashian: you CAN’T it’ll stay in your head until the day you die**

**cocos (no longer disowned or thicc) mom: i thought having sex was supposed to make you nicer**

**long neck style: he was never this mean after sex i guess jaebums dick has some weird after effects**

**park kardashian: YOUR dick has weird after effects**

**park kardashian: jackson is proof of that**

**long neck style: i’m hurt**

**wanggae: let me kiss it better**

**wanggae: or should i say suck [wink face emoji]**

**i want to die: i am leaving this group chat and never coming back**

**cocos (no longer disowned and thicc) mom: take me with you**

**_sugar dad bum: [has joined the chat]_ **

**sugar dad bum: what the fuck**

**wanggae: welcome to the fish tank :D**

**Author's Note:**

> the first jjp fic i post and it’s utter nonsense.


End file.
